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Posts Tagged ‘Joe Biden’

Mandatory Mask Theater Returns, CDC Announces Long Term Extension for Biden Transporation Mask Mandate, No Expiration Date, Planes, Trains and Busses

Posted by M. C. on May 5, 2022

The Covidians who define themselves by their adherence to the dictates of the U.S. government, will be happy with this position from the CDC today. They worship at the altar of COVID science and use masks as an expression of their sanctimonious feeling of superiority.  

 Sundance

Previously a federal judge overturned the federal mask mandate for transportation, thereby allowing travelers to make their own choices.  The DOJ has appealed that decision after the CDC said it wanted the mask mandate to remain in place.  The status of that litigation is unknown.

Today, the CDC has announced a semi-permanent extension of the federal transportation mask mandate with no expiration date noted. [Announcement Here] That means all travelers on airplanes, trains, busses and ridesharing will be required to wear facemasks again, including inside the terminals and operational hubs of those transportation nodes, pending the outcome of the DOJ appeal to the federal court.

CDC Announcement – “At this time, CDC recommends that everyone aged 2 and older – including passengers and workers – properly wear a well-fitting mask or respirator over the nose and mouth in indoor areas of public transportation (such as airplanes, trains, etc.) and transportation hubs (such as airports, stations, etc.).

[…] This public health recommendation is based on the currently available data, including an understanding of domestic and global epidemiology, circulating variants and their impact on disease severity and vaccine effectiveness, current trends in COVID-19 Community Levels within the United States, and projections of COVID-19 trends in the coming months.

[…]  “CDC continues to recommend that all people—passengers and workers, alike—properly wear a well-fitting mask or respirator in indoor public transportation conveyances and transportation hubs to provide protection for themselves and other travelers in these high volume, mixed population settings. […] Additionally, it is important for all of us to protect not only ourselves, but also to be considerate of others at increased risk for severe COVID-19 and those who are not yet able to be vaccinated. Wearing a mask in indoor public transportation settings will provide protection for the individual and the community.”  ~ Rochelle Walensky, CDC Director

If the Biden administration lose the court appeal to reinstitute the mask mandate, this announcement by the CDC would appear to be moot, they couldn’t enforce it.  However, if the Biden administration is successful in their appeal, the mandatory mask wearing returns.

Put another way….. If the Biden administration lose the appeal, the people wearing masks will be the COVID worshippers.  If the Biden administration win their appeal we all have to wear them.

The mandate created by Joe Biden did not have legal structure.  It was a dictatorial fiat that exceeded the capacity of the executive branch to create.  U.S. District Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle found the CDC exceeded its statutory authority with the mask mandate and violated the rules that guide CDC regulations.   {LINK} After Joe Biden arbitrarily announced the federal transportation mandate, the CDC triggered enforcement of the mask mandate without any required time for public feedback on a new regulation.

Congress could easily write a law authorizing mechanisms for the CDC and TSA to use in enforcement of a federal Transportation mask mandate; but they won’t – because the public doesn’t support it.  However, the Biden administration doesn’t care about majority public opinion, they are fine-tuned to push virtue signaling as a political strategy.

The White House is very committed to all their mandates around COVID-19, the mask mandate is no different.  From the perspective of the professional political left, the theater of forced mask wearing represents the visible power and authority of government to rule the lives of the irrelevant proles.

Any pesky legal rulings, that seek to reduce or remove the power of government, are viewed by the left as arbitrary and insignificant efforts to block their almighty power of government.  They can choose to wear a mask if they want, but that’s not really the issue behind the mask mandate.  The true power of the left is in the ability to force everyone to comply to their whims regardless of individual freedom.

The Covidians who define themselves by their adherence to the dictates of the U.S. government, will be happy with this position from the CDC today. They worship at the altar of COVID science and use masks as an expression of their sanctimonious feeling of superiority.  However, in an election year where the overwhelming majority of the American people have had enough of this political science, this CDC position may fuel an even more angry response.

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BRICS Ministers of Finance Hold a Meeting – It Is Time to Replace Western Financial Trade Mechanisms and Remove The Dollar

Posted by M. C. on April 12, 2022

The objective of the BRICS group is simply to present an alternative trade mechanism that permits them to conduct business regardless of the opinion of the multinational corporations in the ‘western alliance.’

Sundance 

This is not some grand conspiracy, ‘out there‘ deep geopolitical possibility, or foreboding likelihood as an outcome of short-sighted western emotion.  No, this is just a predictable outcome from western created events that pushed specific countries to a natural conclusion based on their best interests.

You can debate the motives of the western leaders who structured the sanctions against Russia, and whether they knew the outcome would happen as a consequence of their effort, but the outcome was never really in doubt.  Personally, I believe this outcome is what the west intended. The people inside the World Economic Forum are not stupid – ideological, yes, but not stupid. They knew this would happen.

[Left to Right] Xi Jinping (China), Vladimir Putin (Russia), Jair Bolsonaro (Brazil), Narendra Modi (India) and Cyril Ramaphosa (South Africa), the BRICS group.

The finance ministers of the BRICS alliance (Brazil, Russia, India, China and South Africa) have decided to create their own financial mechanisms to continue trade between nations of similar disposition.  Once the internal issues inside the BRICS alliance are resolved, and once the mechanisms are created, then other nations will be able to decide to join or not.  The great global cleaving will commence.

(Reuters) – Russia, hit by Western sanctions, has called on the BRICS group of emerging economies to extend the use of national currencies and integrate payment systems, the finance ministry said on Saturday.

[…] On Friday, Finance Minister Anton Siluanov told a ministerial meeting with BRICS, which consists of Brazil, Russia, India, China and South Africa, that the global economic situation had worsened substantially due to the sanctions, the ministry’s statement said.

The new sanctions also destroy the foundation of the existing international monetary and financial system based on the U.S. dollar, Siluanov said.

“This pushes us to the need to speed up work in the following areas: the use of national currencies for export-import operations, the integration of payment systems and cards, our own financial messaging system and the creation of an independent BRICS rating agency,” Siluanov said.

International payment cards Visa and MasterCard suspended operations in Russia in early March and Russia’s biggest banks have lost access to the SWIFT global banking messaging system.

Russia set up its own banking messaging system, known as SPFS, as an alternative to SWIFT. Its own card payment system MIR began operating in 2015.

[…] They were part of Moscow’s efforts to develop homegrown financial tools to mirror Western ones, to protect the country in case penalties against Moscow were broadened.

The finance ministry said BRICS ministers have confirmed the importance of cooperation in efforts to stabilise the current economic situation.

“The current crisis is man-made, and the BRICS countries have all necessary tools to mitigate its consequences for their economies and the global economy as a whole,” Siluanov said. (link)

For a deep dive on BRICS, as predicted by CTH, {SEE HERE}.  The bottom line is – the 2022 punitive economic and financial sanctions by the western nations’ alliance against Russia was exactly the reason why BRICS assembled in the first place.

The multinational corporate control of government is exactly what the BRICS assembly foresaw when they first assembled during the Obama administration.  When multinational corporations run the policy of western government, there is going to be a problem.

In the bigger picture, the BRICS assembly are essentially leaders who do not want corporations and multinational banks running their government. BRICS leaders want their government running their government; and yes, that means whatever form of government that exists in their nation, even if it is communist.

BRICS leaders are aligned as anti-corporatist.  That doesn’t necessarily make those government leaders better stewards, it simply means they want to make the decisions, and they do not want corporations to become more powerful than they are.  As a result, if you really boil it down to the common denominator, what you find is the BRICS group are the opposing element to the World Economic Forum assembly.

The countries run by multinational corporations are in Yellow, the countries who have not yet chosen a side are in GREY:

The BRICS team intend to create an alternative option for all the other nations. An alternative to the current western trade and financial platforms operated on the use of the dollar as a currency.  Perhaps many nations will use both financial mechanisms depending on their need.

The objective of the BRICS group is simply to present an alternative trade mechanism that permits them to conduct business regardless of the opinion of the multinational corporations in the ‘western alliance.’

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Watch “Thomas Sowell SCHOOLS Joe Biden #TBT” on YouTube

Posted by M. C. on April 1, 2022

“Let me ask you a couple questions”. He got a couple answers!

Biden obvious forgot about the rule that says “know what they will answer before asking the question”.

https://youtu.be/rKAxd4cJbW4

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Joe Biden’s New Gun Control and How to Stop It

Posted by M. C. on March 9, 2022

https://tenthamendmentcenter.com/2022/02/23/

In the current political climate, it’s difficult to pass new federal gun control through Congress. But that hasn’t stopped the last two presidents from implementing new rules on firearms via executive fiat. Trump banned bump stocks with an executive order. Now, two EOs by Joe Biden set to go into effect this summer will impose additional federal gun control.

The first EO would require registration of “80 percent lowers.” These are basically unfinished firearm parts that you can use to build your own gun. Because 80 percent lowers fall outside of the FFL process, they effectively allow the private manufacture of unregistered rifles. Some people refer to them as “ghost guns.”

This EO is expected to be finalized in June.

The second executive order set to go into effect in August will place regulations on “pistol braces.” This device serves as a stabilizer that enables a shooter to fire a rifle with one hand. Pistol braces are popular with disabled people who can’t use both arms. But the feds claim they are a dangerous firearm accessory.

Under the executive order, pistol braces will fall under the National Firearms Act. This is the same law used to regulate machine guns, silencers, and short-barrelled rifles. The EO won’t ban pistol braces, but it will require anybody that has one to register it with the feds. This will come with a $200 tax, and it can take up to one year to complete the registration. In effect, it registers the gun with the federal government.

According to an op-ed by attorney John Werden, upwards of 40 million Americans own pistol braces. There is no grandfather clause under the order. In other words, when the EO goes into effect, all of those people will become felons if they don’t go through with the registration process.

NOW WHAT?

The federal government lacks the constitutional authority to regulate pistol braces or 80 percent lowers. There is no delegated power for registering firearms accessories or parts, and the Second Amendment slams the door on such federal action completely.

Even if you could strain this kind of regulatory power out of the Constitution, it would have to come from Congress. The president was never intended to be a lawmaker. These executive orders are unconstitutional.

It is clear constitutional scruples won’t stop this federal gun control – or any federal gun control that might come down the pike in the future. But state action can stop it dead in its tracks.

States can nullify these federal rules in practice and effect simply by refusing to participate in their enforcement and implementation. A piece of legislation known as the Second Amendment Preservation Act does just that.

The federal government relies heavily on state cooperation to implement and enforce almost all of its laws, regulations and acts – including gun control. By simply withdrawing this necessary cooperation, states and localities can nullify many federal actions in effect. As noted by the National Governors’ Association during the partial government shutdown of 2013, “states are partners with the federal government on most federal programs.”

Based on James Madison’s advice for states and individuals in Federalist #46, a “refusal to cooperate with officers of the Union” represents an extremely effective method to bring down federal gun control measures because most enforcement actions rely on help, support and leadership from state and local governments.

Fox News senior judicial analyst Judge Andrew Napolitano agreed. In a televised discussion on the issue, he noted that a single state taking this step would make federal gun laws “nearly impossible” to enforce.

“Partnerships don’t work too well when half the team quits,” said Michael Boldin of the Tenth Amendment Center. “By withdrawing all resources and participation in federal gun control, states and even local governments can help bring these unconstitutional acts to their much-needed end.”

An Article by The Trace has already questioned the ATF’s ability to enforce the pistol brace order. According to the report, “Biden’s pistol brace rule would put pressure on an already strained ATF division.”

“The plan put forward by the administration this summer will hinge on the efficiency of an obscure division at the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives that routinely misses its own performance benchmarks. And now, with millions of stabilizing braces estimated to be in circulation, some outside observers are warning the efforts to restrict them could flounder if federal regulators are unable to handle the workload.”

The feds are going to need state and local cooperation.

It should be denied.

States can legally bar their agents from enforcing federal gun control. Refusal to cooperate with federal enforcement rests on a well-established legal principle known as the anti-commandeering doctrine.

Simply put, the federal government cannot force states to help implement or enforce any federal act or program. The anti-commandeering doctrine is based primarily on five Supreme Court cases dating back to 1842. Printz v. U.S. serves as the cornerstone.

“We held in New York that Congress cannot compel the States to enact or enforce a federal regulatory program. Today we hold that Congress cannot circumvent that prohibition by conscripting the States’ officers directly. The Federal Government may neither issue directives requiring the States to address particular problems, nor command the States’ officers, or those of their political subdivisions, to administer or enforce a federal regulatory program. It matters not whether policy making is involved, and no case by case weighing of the burdens or benefits is necessary; such commands are fundamentally incompatible with our constitutional system of dual sovereignty”

No determination of constitutionality is necessary to invoke the anti-commandeering doctrine. State and local governments can refuse to enforce federal laws or implement federal programs whether they are constitutional or not.

The battle against federal gun control won’t be won by begging your Congressman to protect the Second Amendment. It won’t be one suing in federal court. It can be one by following Madison’s blueprint – refuse to cooperate with federal gun control.

Tags: Executive Orders, Federal Gun Control, Gun Control, Joe Biden, SAPA, Second Amendment

Mike Maharrey

Michael Maharrey [send him email] is the Communications Director for the Tenth Amendment Center. He is from the original home of the Principles of ’98 – Kentucky and currently resides in northern Florida. See his blog archive here and his article archive here.He is the author of the book, Our Last Hope: Rediscovering the Lost Path to Liberty., and Constitution Owner’s Manual. You can visit his personal website at MichaelMaharrey.com and like him on Facebook HERE

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Col Douglas Macgregor Has a Slightly Different Take on Russia-Ukraine Conflict

Posted by M. C. on March 2, 2022

Macgregor Makes Sense!

My spidey senses tell me that Col Douglas Macgregor will not be welcomed back on Fox News after he gave a rather different take on what is happening amid the Russia-Ukraine conflict that does not toe the common media line.  [SEGMENT HERE] Jennifer Griffin was furious.

The first presentation was during a segment with Fox Host Dan Bongino (below).   The second presentation of essentially the same analysis was with Trey Gowdy [SEGMENT HERE].  In both discussions Macgregor’s perspective reconciles the disparity between what the U.S. government, State Dept, and corporate media are saying -vs- what is visible.

Essentially, Macgregor is saying that Russia does not want to engage a civilian population and is making every effort to avoid civilian conflict in those population centers.  In part this is because Putin knows the Western approach is a propaganda war that would be fueled by what it would look like if population carnage took place. However, if Ukraine President Zelenskyy does not acquiesce to terms, Putin could easily crush those centers with artillery and rockets.  WATCH:

What Macgregor outlines would explain why these skirmishes always seem ‘off in the distance’.

The western government and media perspective is to make it seem like Volodymyr Zelenskyy and the rebellious civilian misfits are beating the Russian army because that frames a better story.  However, what Macgregor outlines is Putin not wanting to fuel the United Nations, NATO and State Dept narrative engineering, thus the absence of visible fighting.

The second segment with Trey Gowdy is HERE… and below:

Fox News Pentagon war seller Jennifer Griffin, aka the female version of Mark Milley, was having fits.

wow — Jennifer Griffin continues her live fact-check of Fox colleagues and guests:

“I feel like I need to correct some of the things that Col. Douglas MacGregor said, and I’m not sure that 10 minutes is enough time to do so, because there were so many distortions.” pic.twitter.com/nsdvoGwwXi

— j.d. durkin 🌱 (@jd_durkin) February 28, 2022

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Watch “Joe Biden is either ‘unhinged, confused or lying’” on YouTube

Posted by M. C. on March 1, 2022

US President Joe Biden seems to think things are “hunky dory” for the American people, according to Sky News host Rita Panahi.

“The US is experiencing a 40-year high inflation rate. People are struggling to afford groceries or to fill their car with gas,” Ms Panahi said.

“Crime is soaring across the US and the country has completely lost control of its southern border with more than 200,000 illegal immigrants crossing a month.

“But sure, the American people have never had it better, they’re just ungrateful or suffering from a unique variety of long COVID.

“The man is either unhinged, hopelessly confused or just lying. At this point there are no other options.”

https://youtu.be/5EztVHjghJg

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The Party of Chaos Blows Its Cover

Posted by M. C. on February 26, 2022

In the awakening underway here and now, Americans will see how so many of the ills and derangements of recent years are products of our own Deep State aligned with a perfidious party of the Left and other global actors. We have harmed ourselves terribly and can’t seem to stop — and we must stop it, beginning with calling off the Covid-19 “vaccine” crusade. That will come any day, I predict, and then the people who brought all of this grief on are going to have to answer for it.

Good luck with “answer for it” part.

by James Howard Kunstler

The Ukraine blow-up is more a humiliation for “Joe Biden” and his faction than for the US per se, for the truth is that we have scant interest in that corner of the world and what goes on there is none of our business, and never was….

It is fair to say that the “Joe Biden” government dearly wanted a Russian invasion of Ukraine in order to divert attention from the “Joe Biden” government’s war on its own people in the United States. The table was nicely laid for it over many years, including, by the way, Mr. Trump’s vaunted gift of weaponry to Ukraine, which enabled and emboldened the Kiev regime to harass the Russian-speaking population of Donbas without relent. And the situation was aggravated by the deliberate negotiation-unworthiness (Russian term) of “Joe Biden” and Company, who refused to discuss the chief issue between the US and Russia, namely, the dishonest effort, in violation of written agreements dating from 1990, to enlist Ukraine in NATO, and thereby to place missiles on Russia’s border. The US disallowed something very similar in 1962, when the old USSR tried to put missiles in Cuba.

You are also seeing payback for the Maidan color revolution of 2014, engineered by John Kerry’s State Department and John Brennan’s CIA. We have been managing Ukraine backstage since then and, alas for that poor country, quite deceitfully. If you bother to read the recent statements of both “Joe Biden” and Mr. Putin, you will see exactly why and how the situation developed. You will also see an appalling difference in the quality of public utterance — as, say, the difference between Zippy the Pinhead and a Metternich.

I’ll get back to all that presently, but first let’s be clear about what “Joe Biden” & Co. seek to divert public attention from: the complete implosion of all the narratives that support the “Joe Biden” regime — and the campaign against Western Civ more generally by the sinister likes of Klaus Schwab and his global gang of Great Re-setters, including Bill Gates, George Soros, and many actors in America’s own Deep State.

The Covid-19 story is blowing up, and in a very ugly way for the American people. The news is finally wriggling free of our combined news media / social media censorship machine and that news is as follows: Covid-19 was a trip laid on the world to get rid of the irascible Mr. Trump and usher-in a system of digital social controls. The mRNA “vaccines” were all patented and ready to go before the virus even took off. The mRNA “vaccines” turned out to be ineffective and arguably more damaging than the Covid-19 virus. That last bit of news is now coming out in reports from the life insurance and funeral industries, which are showing an alarming increase in all-causes death, especially in people under 60 years of age.

See the rest here

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Psaki Claims Biden “Didn’t Mean It” When He Said “No One Expected Sanctions To Prevent Anything”

Posted by M. C. on February 25, 2022

Biden and the democrat voters have done the impossible. Make Trump look like a genius.

Just go to the link. WordPress and Zerohedge aren’t playing well together.

Tyler Durden's Photo

by Tyler Durden

Friday, Feb 25, 2022 – 08:45 AM

Authored by Steve Watson via Summit News,

https://www.zerohedge.com/political/psaki-claims-biden-didnt-mean-it-when-he-said-no-one-expected-sanctions-prevent-anything

In a grimly ridiculous moment Thursday, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki claimed that Joe Biden wasn’t being serious when he said that “No one expected the sanctions to prevent anything from happening,” with Russia and Ukraine, moments after announcing more sanctions.

Psaki claimed “That’s not exactly what he meant,” without providing a better explanation for what the hell Biden was talking about:

Extended video of Biden from the presser reveals that a reporter asked him if he thought Putin was threatening the use nuclear weapons, to which he responded “I have no idea what he’s threatening.”

It is tempting to laugh at Biden’s utter incompetence, but then you also get stark reminders that this guy has NO CLUE what is going on, so you have to ask who on earth is running things?

It has become a daily impossibility for Psaki trying to lie and paper over Biden’s bumbling senility, and perhaps that is why the establishment media networks are in a war to hire her.

In any case, Vladimir Putin is laughing his head off.

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Biden Voters’ Remorse | Chronicles

Posted by M. C. on February 5, 2022

It was invented by those who willfully ignored what he said because they hated Trump or because they agreed with Biden’s proposals at the time that he made them. Those who supported him deserve our stern disapproval rather than inappropriate expressions of sympathy.

https://www.chroniclesmagazine.org/biden-voters–remorse/1/

By Paul Gottfried

BIDEN_2

There seems to be a widespread belief that Joe Biden has exceeded the mandate for which he was elected. It seems we’re supposed to believe that those who voted for the Biden-Harris ticket craved moderation after Trump’s troubled and unsettling presidency. Writer and commentator Scott Jennings repeats this familiar narrative in a recent interview with CNN:

I never imagined how quickly this would all unfold. The person they sold on the campaign, the nice old, you know, moderate grandpa who just wanted to help everybody get along and compromise is not what we got over the last year.

He has no mandate really to do much of anything. It’s amazing that he got a couple of things done when the mandate was really pretty clear—50/50 Senate, a near 50/50 House and a pretty close presidential election. The mandate was simply replace Donald Trump and don’t do anything drastic or stupid.

Biden’s voters apparently just wanted a “moderate grandpa” who would lower the political temperature. Instead, they ended up with the agenda of the radical left “Squad” being carried out by a cognitively declining figurehead president. Those who mistakenly supported Biden are now suffering buyer’s remorse, and it would be unfair, we are led to believe, if we blamed these misled voters for what befell them after Biden’s election, the consequences of which they could not have foreseen.

Allow me to respectfully disagree. There were more than enough signs that Biden would derail the country when he was running against Trump; and those who voted for him are guilty of having ignored the evidence that Biden would be a far worse president than the person he replaced.

I long ago stopped believing that those who vote for catastrophic political candidates are simply the victims of bad choices. Such people get what they want—or what they think they want—and should be scolded for imposing their will on the rest of us. When I went with my parents to a restaurant as a child and ordered something that I didn’t like—usually against better advice—I was made to eat what I picked. It was my misjudgment, not the small print on the menu, which caused me to choose badly. We are now dealing with chronological adults who picked the wrong fare out of obstinacy or anger, but who still insist that it was someone else’s fault. 

Biden hardly ran as a moderate. His vice-presidential candidate openly expressed support for Black Lives Matter violence during the 2020 “Summer of Love,” and Biden’s staff were involved in bailing out the criminal participants in those riots. While preparing their separate presidential runs in 2019, both Biden and Harris came out in support of the race-hustling impostor Jussie Smollett. Each treated Smollett’s make-believe attack by Trump supporters in downtown Chicago at 2:00 am as evidence of raging racism and homophobia

The Biden/Harris Campaign also decried Kyle Rittenhouse as a racist for defending himself against armed assailants (who happened to be white) in Kenosha, Wisconsin, in 2020. Biden then expressed anger and concern at Rittenhouse’s acquittal in 2021 in much the same language he had used against him in the past. Never during or after his campaign did Biden stop appealing to his radical black and LGBT base.

“We have a lot to root out, but most of all the systematic racism that most of us whites don’t like to acknowledge even exists,” Biden said in a 2019 speech delivered for Al Sharpton and the National Action Network. Within one day of Biden’s taking office, Manhattan Institute fellow Heather Mac Donald notes in a Newsweek article that Biden pledged to fight systemic white racism with the assistance of all branches of the federal government and to give amnesty to illegals. Neither theme was new; both issues had furnished the incoming president with campaign rhetoric for many months.   

Moreover, Biden’s open-border policy, which voters are now complaining about, did not result from a post-election decision by the new president. It is exactly what he promised to do while on the campaign trail. He also promised in the spring of 2020 to close the Keystone XL oil pipeline bringing in oil exports from Canada. Thus, his action to do so immediately after he became president should not have surprised anyone who was paying any attention to national politics.

Biden was every bit as forthcoming about his presidential plans as Trump had been about his own, four years earlier. The idea that Biden hid his intentions when running for the presidency is utter nonsense. It was invented by those who willfully ignored what he said because they hated Trump or because they agreed with Biden’s proposals at the time that he made them. Those who supported him deserve our stern disapproval rather than inappropriate expressions of sympathy.

Paul Gottfried

Paul Gottfried is editor in chief of Chronicles: A Magazine of American Culture. He is also the Raffensperger Professor of Humanities Emeritus at Elizabethtown College, where he taught for 25 years, a Guggenheim recipient, and a Yale Ph.D. He is the author of 13 books, most recently Fascism: Career of a Concept and Revisions and Dissents.

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Biden Promises To Replace Retiring Quarterback Tom Brady With A Woman Of Color

Posted by M. C. on February 1, 2022

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-promises-to-replace-retiring-quarterback-tom-brady-with-a-woman-of-color

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Legendary quarterback Tom Brady has announced his plan to retire from the NFL to spend more time carving little wooden toys for his grandkids. In response to the earth-shattering news, President Joe Biden has announced his commitment to replace the outgoing football star with a woman of color. 

“Listen, folks, it’s time,” said Biden to the press. “In the hundred-year history of the NFL, not a single quarterback has ever been a woman of color. That’s racist! We all know that poor women are just as smart and powerful as white kids. As president, I will nominate a new quarterback to replace Tom Brady that reflects America’s diversity.” 

When told he doesn’t have the authority to nominate quarterbacks to the NFL, Biden told his staff he would just sign the executive order and let the courts deal with it later. 

“There’s no excuse,” said Biden. When I used to play Nine Pins with Jehoshaphat Jenkins and the townsfolk, we always used to let the black women play with us. I was a civil rights hero, darn it! It’s time for the rest of the world to catch up!”

So far, candidates being considered for the empty position include Michelle Obama, Tyler Perry, and Colin Kaepernick in a woman’s wig.

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